Chocolate Chip Cookies

It will probably be no surprise when I tell you that I like to bake for people. I love leaving deliciously sweet treats for people to find. I've been known to leave desserts on desks, in mailboxes, on steps, even inside of cars. Everything from cupcakes to cookies to brownies to muffins. I like to think the sweet cookies and the cute card brighten the person's day, even if just a little bit. I imagine the look of excitement and surprise on the person's face when they find a box of treats left for them. I imagine a smile that spreads across their face as they bite into whatever was inside the box. I imagine the sweetness melting away what might've been a bad day, adding to what was a good day, or giving hope for the start of a lovely day.

Sometimes I stop to really think about it, and it seems rather silly. "People must think you are so dumb, leaving cookies here like this. This doesn't make much of a difference, you're just fooling yourself." And I become discouraged. I'm not saving starving orphans, I'm not making lunches for a soup kitchen, I'm not holding a dying baby. I'm leaving cookies on stairsteps. It seems incredibly insignificant compared to the 'big things' I could be doing.

I tend to believe that the only things that are meaningful are the big things-- living overseas in a third world country, adopting a baby, starting a soup kitchen, taking care of cancer patients. In my eyes, those are the meaningful things. Those are the things that count.

Those things are good, so good. But what happens is that, because I am not doing any of those things, I get discouraged. And then I do nothing. Or, perhaps it's more that there are meaningful, purpose-filled things that I do, but I'm blind to them. Or they're not 'good enough'. Or they pale in comparison to what someone else may be doing.

I spend my days waiting for the big moment.. and it never comes. And by waiting and looking for the 'big purpose-filled thing', I miss all the meaningful things around me. I become so centered on this idea of important and worthy that I fool myself into believing it must meet certain requirements. It must take this much work, and that much time, it must help this many people, and be that exhausting. 

But those things are not true. I am learning that purpose is in everything. Purpose is in smiling at the sad looking stranger while walking the dog. Purpose is holding your tongue when the house is a complete wreck and you want to lose it and lash out at everyone. Purpose is telling a friend you'll pray for them, and actually doing it. Purpose is painting your little sister's fingernails when you'd rather be doing something else. Purpose is in everything.

It's not always going to be this big, mind blowingly huge event or moment or thing. Sometimes, it's easier to believe that it's more important to donate food to the food pantry, rather than be patient with your younger sister. But really, I am beginning to believe they are equal, that each moment is just as important as the one before it, and also the moment that will follow.

My desire is this: to have lived a purpose-filled, meaningful life. But I wonder, can I really find purpose and meaning in everything?

I believe that, so long as I lose my idea of what 'meaning' is, then yes, there is purpose to everything. Some days, it's donating to the food pantry. Some days, it's playing countless games of hi-ho-cherry-o with your sister. For some people, it's taking care of starving orphans. For others, it's being a mother and raising a family.

And so, I remember this. On the days where I feel purposeless. On the days where I feel like I'm not doing enough. And even on the days where I do feel like I did something meaningful.

And when I feel like a foolish, little child for surprising someone with cookies, I remind myself that purpose is in everything, and each matters just as much as the other. And I leave the cookies on the desk,  whispering a prayer (of love, of blessing, of peace, of joy) for the person, and I smile as I walk out the door. Tomorrow I don't know about.. but today? That is what I was supposed to do.

I want to encourage you to find purpose in today, and to see the little moments as the most important ones. Also- I think you should make these chocolate chip cookies, because, although they take a while, they're worth the wait. The unusual blend of flours and the 24 hour refrigerate time probably has something to do with these cookies tasting better than the regular cookies on the back of the chocolate chip bag.

(click 'read more' for recipe)


Chocolate Chip Cookies (slightly adapted from The New York Times)

Ingredients:
2 C. minus 2 Tbs. cake flour
1 2/3 C. bread flour
1 1/4 tsp. baking soda
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 1/2 tsp. coarse salt
2 1/2 sticks unsalted butter
1 C. granulated sugar
2 large eggs
2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 1/4 lbs. bittersweet chocolate disks or fèves*

Directions:
1. Sift together flours, baking soda, baking powder, and salt into a bowl. Set aside.
2. Using a stand mixer (fitted with paddle attachment), cream butter and sugars until very light, about 5 minutes. Add eggs, one a time, beating well after each addition. Stir in the vanilla. Reduce speed to low and slowly add dry ingredients. Mix until just combined. Drop chocolate pieces into the dough and mix by hand. Press into plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 24 hours (or as long as 72 hours).
3. When ready to bake, preheat oven to 350 degrees.
4. Form dough into balls (about the size of a golf ball) and place on a baking sheet. Optional: sprinkle lightly with sea salt. Bake 18-20 minutes, or until golden brown.
5. Transfer to wire rack and repeat with remaining dough. Makes approximately 1 1/2 dozen cookies (depending on size).

* for the chocolate, I didn't have time to buy chocolate disks or fèves. Instead I used a little bit of chopped unsweetened chocolate (about 1 oz) and the rest used regular chocolate chips. Although the cookies still tasted good, they would've been a lot better had I of used better quality chocolate (kinda goes without saying).